My Children Have Been Great Teachers

Guest Writer: Judy Douglass

Children: a joy, a privilege, a challenge, a responsibility. Most of us love and enjoy our children and take seriously our responsibility to nurture and care for and educate and impart values and prepare for life. I hope I do those things well. But I found my children play an incredibly important role in my life—as my teacher. Let me share a few of the things I have learned from them.

Debbie: I am not in control.

Before Debbie was born, I was a magazine editor. I was totally enmeshed in producing that wonderful publication. The magazine was so compliant. Every month it came out on time and it was beautiful.

I stepped away from that responsibility shortly before my lovely daughter was born. I suspected I would need to be a little more flexible about my schedule. But I read all the books, and I was pretty sure I could get Debbie on a good routine.

Surprise! Debbie had colic–the all day and night kind.Her tummy hurt. She cried. And cried. And cried.

And she didn’t sleep. A few hours each night—maybe 5-6. But that was it. No naps. My day went like this: Up by 5 or 6 with a screaming baby. An hour of nursing (no crying then). A few minutes of peace—quick, put some clothes on. Then carry her, entertain her, sing to her, anything to get her not to cry until the 2-hour mark when I could feed her again.Repeat. Until midnight.For four months.,

I cried almost as much as Debbie did. I was sure I would never be rested again, never clean and dressed and presentable again, and for sure I would never be in control of my life again.

“Lord,” I said desperately, “I am no good at this mothering thing. I am not the right mother for this child.”

He replied gently: “Oh, Judy, you are exactly right for Debbie—the one I created and chose to love and nurture and comfort her in her great discomfort.

“But she is also just right for you. I created her to help you learn some important lessons: People are not magazines. You are not in control. Things will not always happen according to your schedule. You need to learn to let go, to flex, to relax.”

“But I don’t like not being in control.”

“Exactly.”

Then: “Judy, I am in control. I know much better than you the what and when and how for your life—and for Debbie’s. Rest in Me. You won’t be disappointed.My plan and schedule and timing are perfect.”

I am the LORD; in its time I will do this swiftly.(Isaiah 60:22)

Michelle: Enjoy the journey.

From the day she was born, Michelle has not been in a hurry. She slept much of her first year (I don’t wake sleeping babies). She cuddled, laughed, listened a lot and talked enough. She played quietly, explored, created, painted, invented, rescued.

But she never rushed.I’m more of a destination person. She’s more of a journey person. I like to get there. She likes the getting there.

Probably the words she heard most from me, after “I love you.” and “Please forgive me.” were “Hurry up, we’re late.”“We will be late to church, Michelle.” “Carpool is waiting, Michelle.” “We need to get to soccer practice, Michelle.

”Nothing hurried her. But I know I frustrated her, discouraged her, hurt her.Over time, I began to hear the Lord whispering, “What’s your hurry, Judy?”

And he reminded me of those famous sisters, Mary and Martha.Martha was focused on getting dinner ready. She rushed around, fretting that Mary wasn’t helping her.And Mary? She was enjoying Jesus. Listening, learning, reflecting.

Slowly Michelle’s ability to live in the present, her not hurrying to the future, began to rub off on me. I still like to get things done, and I usually have a long list. But I have learned to let things go, to stop for the people in my life, to leave tasks for another day. I don’t get as much done. But I enjoy the journey so much more

Josh: Gifts can be challenging.

I’m a giver.I love to give—encouraging words, desirable gifts, needed money. And life challenges.I always want my gifts to please, lift, help, awaken…

God is also a giver.He assures us that He gives good gifts. My experience, however, has been that His gifts often have deeper purposes.Sometimes they are truly challenging. The most hazardous gift God has given me is our son, Josh.

When our girls were 10 and 12, God said He had a gift for us. He sent a nine-year-old boy from a very difficult situation to our family. From the beginning, he provided significant challenges for us. He came with the results of his birth mother’s neglect, alcohol and drug abuse: learning disabilities, ADD, attachment issues, no ability to reason cause and effect, incredible need for center of attention. That was just the beginning.

By his late teens, we were fully into the world of rebellion, poor choices and their consequences. Our son took us places we knew nothing about. Calls from the school principal about his latest escapade and the possibility of expulsion. Juvenile justice system and traffic court. Late-night calls be from the jail and the hospital. Lying, stealing,drugs, alcohol, sex, accidents…The way was deep and dark.

This was a gift?

Oh yes. Difficult for sure, but surely a gift.

This boy had a positive impact on our lives, our family, our ministry. But the greatest impact for me was on my relationship with God. I was helpless and driven into His arms. My honesty with, trust in and hope in God all grew in amazing ways.

God gave many other specific gifts through this one challenging gift:I know I am totally dependent on God—I recognized I couldn’t make this boy’s life—or mine–work the way I wished.I learned to pray—really.I know that God will never give up on me—and He enabled me to not give up on that boy.I have a better understanding of unconditional love—and that it doesn’t require love in return.I am able to share hope and courage with others.

So this is where I tell you all is well, right? We’ve weathered the storm and survived this gift.Well, mostly.He has become a responsible, hard-working man. He desires to make right choices. He brings joy to me. But he finds it hard to entirely escape the darkness. Things from his past still come back to haunt.

I wouldn’t, however, trade this gift for anything. Sure, life would have been easier without him. But the gifts produced by my struggle and pain make him a valuable gift, a priceless treasure. Plus I really love him. Thank You, Lord, for such an incredible gift! And for all I have learned from my children.

Bio:

Judy Douglass is a writer, speaker, encourager, advocate. She loves to encourage God’s children—especially His daughters—to be and do all God created them for. She partnered with her husband, Steve, to lead Cru/Campus Crusade for Christ globally until recently. Judy is the author of six books and speaks all over the world. Known for her “realness,” Judy writes at Judy Douglas You can find her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter and Instagram . She has three children and 10 grandchildren

How Judy describes herself:

I would like to be considered a spiritual arsonist.

I want to start fires in minds and hearts.  To be kindling to ignite, stir up, excite.

The name of my blog–Kindling–is exactly what I hope happens here: Together we share thoughts and ideas and start fires in hearts and minds–our own and many others. I have the same desires for my speaking. Judy lighting fires!

Judy realized that all her children were special and unique!