“I am not a grief counselor. I am simply a husband who shared 45 years with my wife Naomi, and who has spent the last eighteen months learning what it means to grieve with hope.”
My wife Naomi has been with the Lord for eighteen months now.
Like many widows and widowers, I did not choose to become an expert on grief. Yet grief has become a subject I have studied, experienced, wrestled with, prayed through, and talked about more than I ever imagined.
Over the past year and a half, I have attended GriefShare programs at three different churches. At one church, I completed the program three times. When the sessions end, a new group simply begins again. Some participants have attended six, seven, or even more times. What begins as a grief support group often becomes a community of people who understand one another’s journeys.
I have also participated in a secular grief support group through Horizon for nearly eighteen months. If you live in or near Milwaukee, Horizon has a free support group for you. Yes, I said FREE. Check it out. A great Resource Center. Along the way, I have read many books on grief and loss, especially those focused on the death of a spouse.
Grief Is Normal
While every author approaches grief differently, several common themes appear again and again.
One of the most helpful lessons I learned came from the GriefShare materials, especially Is My Grief Normal?
The answer is usually yes.
Many grieving people wonder if they are grieving too much, too little, too long, or in the wrong way. The reality is that grief is not a problem to solve. It is a natural response to loving someone deeply.
There is no timetable. There is no finish line. There is no “graduation day” from grief.
Healing Does Not Mean Forgetting
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, in Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart, reminds us that healing is not about getting over our spouse.
The goal is not forgetting.
The goal is learning how to carry both love and loss at the same time.
Naomi remains part of my story. The memories, lessons, faith, and ministry we shared continue to influence my life every day. Love does not end simply because one person now lives in heaven.
Hope and Grief Can Coexist
One lesson repeated throughout Christian grief literature is that grief and hope are not opposites.
As Christians, we grieve.
Jesus Himself wept.
But we do not grieve as those who have no hope.
I miss Naomi every day. Yet I know where she is. She is with Christ. She is healed. She is worshiping in the presence of the Savior she loved and served.
The pain of separation is real, but so is the certainty of reunion.
Grief Changes Us
The GriefShare book The Loss of a Spouse acknowledges a difficult truth: life is never quite the same after losing a husband or wife.
The routines change.
The conversations stop.
The future we imagined changes.
But God remains faithful.
Many widows and widowers discover that while they would never have chosen this path, God continues to provide purpose, companionship, ministry opportunities, and growth in unexpected ways.
What Helps a Grieving Person?
People often ask what they should say to someone who has lost a spouse.
After my own experience and many conversations with others, here are a few suggestions:
- Show up.
- Listen more than you speak.
- Don’t try to fix their grief.
- Share memories of their loved one.
- Continue reaching out after the funeral.
- Invite them to ordinary activities.
- Allow them to talk about their spouse.
- Be patient with tears and emotions.
- Pray for them and with them.
Sometimes the greatest gift is simply being present.
Consider a GriefShare Group
One of the most valuable resources in my own grief journey has been GriefShare.
Over the past eighteen months, I have attended GriefShare programs at three different churches and completed the program multiple times. Each group was a little different, but all provided something important: understanding, encouragement, practical tools for navigating grief, and the opportunity to be with others who truly “get it.”
If you have recently lost a spouse, family member, or close friend, I encourage you to consider attending a GriefShare group. You do not need to walk through grief alone. Many churches across the country host GriefShare programs, and new groups begin regularly throughout the year.
If you know someone who is grieving, one of the kindest things you can do is encourage them to explore a local GriefShare group. You might even offer to help them find one or attend the first session with them.
GriefShare does not remove the pain of loss, but it can provide hope, understanding, biblical encouragement, and companionship for the journey ahead.
Many people enter their first meeting feeling hesitant or uncertain. They often leave realizing they are not alone.
What Doesn’t Help?
Most people mean well, but certain phrases can unintentionally hurt:
- “You need to move on.”
- “At least they’re no longer suffering.”
- “God needed another angel.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
Grieving people usually do not need explanations.
They need compassion.
A Final Thought
If you are grieving today, know that you are not alone.
If you love someone who is grieving, know that your presence matters more than your words.
And if you are a follower of Christ, remember this: grief is temporary, but the promises of God are eternal.
One day every goodbye in Christ will become a hello.
That is not wishful thinking.
That is Christian hope.
Call to Action
Take a moment this week to reach out to someone who has lost a spouse, parent, child, or dear friend.
Send a note.
Make a phone call.
Share a memory.
Invite them to coffee.
Your simple act of kindness may be exactly what they need today.
Along with the support of family, friends, church, prayer, and Scripture, grief support ministries such as GriefShare have been a significant part of God’s provision during my own journey after Naomi’s homegoing.
Prayer
Father, thank You for walking beside us through every season of life, including seasons of loss. Comfort those who are grieving today. Strengthen those who feel lonely, weary, or forgotten. Help us to be compassionate friends who listen well and love faithfully. Thank You for the hope we have through Jesus Christ and for the promise that death is not the end for those who belong to Him. Until the day of reunion, help us trust You, serve You, and find our strength in Your presence. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
